The Sivananda Ashram Experience Part 1

Ayurvedic Yoga Therapy Certification at The Sivananda Ashram in Nassau, Bahamas.

March 9-23, 2016.  

   

Greetings dear friends!  I wanted to share with you a blog post (yes it has been a while) about my experience at the Sivananda Ashram.  This is very much a free write/journal entry about my 2 weeks away...it is 100% a truthful telling about my thoughts, emotions, lessons I learned, etc.  Hope you enjoy.  Namaste!

First, a little backstory...

Rewind to the day after Thanksgiving, when I went home for a few days to not only celebrate the holiday with my family, but also I simply needed time home to collect my thoughts and be nurtured by my loved ones.  Since last summer, I have not felt like myself and my mind had been in constant planning, analyzing, worrying, doubting, etc mode.  For several months (and i know many of you noticed), I was both suffering from anxiety and mild depression. Looking from the outside - in, my life looked pretty darn good.  Performing at Disney, teaching yoga, i was healthy, i had a supportive family..what could be wrong with that? Well my "monkey mind" as the yogis call it, was transforming my perception daily and looking at the world through very dim lenses.  "Your thoughts create your world," or "As you think, so you become."  My worrying about every day little stresses to bigger career type stresses took over my life.  I was waking up with a feeling of my heart being griped and this would carry on throughout the day until sleep.  Basically, the only time my thoughts were not racing and my body finally slowed down was when i went to bed.  I knew in my heart that I have not been feeling like my once very bright inspirational light was being covered by clouds, it wasn't extinguished but it sure felt like it.  Most of you know that I work pretty much 7 days a week and don't give myself a break.  I was at the point where any amount of free time frightened me.  I don't know what to do with free time because it forces me to slow down and be with the thoughts.  This can be a scary place to be.  If I wasn't performing, teaching, eating, or working out for my 2 hours a day, then I didn't know what to do with that extra time.  I needed time off...i needed to be reinspired...I needed a reset button! 

The study of Ayurveda was always intriguing to me and before moving to Florida I was actually on scholarship at the Open Center in NYC to become an ayurvedic wellness counselor, which was a training that lasted 8 months for one weekend a month.  3 months into the program and I got the call to be a full time performer in disney! (my dream!!! but now i was happily involved in this training and had a decision to make).  Being that yoga and ayurveda have been around for thousands of years, I decided that trainings like that are always present, but opportunities like performing for disney (one that i prayed and wished for since i was a little girl) were a little more time sensitive and fleeting.  Divine timing for sure! So, I decided to withdraw from the program, feeling like ayurveda training was unfinished, but happily dancing my way off to the happiest place on earth.  

Back to November 2015 and being at home.  I still get mail back in good old Massapequa from a lot of yoga places that i may have expressed interest in several years ago or printed newsletters that I never updated my address.  On my desk in my childhood bedroom I see a colorful brochure for the Sivananda Ashram.  I scanned through it and then saw this Ayurvedic yoga therapy certification and thought...hmmmmm and then my mind was like oh its too expensive, i won't get the 2 week time off, i feel so uninspired that i don't even want to go anywhere, etc.  The family and i were chatting and discussing how what Julie needed was to get away and take some downtime.  Maybe go to Kripalu (which is my favorite retreat center in Massachusetts), or do volunteer abroad for a week, or do a mini travel excursion.  I brought down the brochure and felt so drawn to what i was reading about the training..went to the website and got more intrigued, however still had doubt.  Wrapped in that doubt was encouragement...the whisper to finish that unfinished business 5 years ago.  My entire family was very supportive and said that this was doable and would make perfect sense as my time off to reconnect.  I would be learning, in a beautiful environment, and in a spiritual community that is naturally healing.  Yada, yada, yada and by the end of my November stay, it was pretty much set in stone I was going! 

Fast forward to a few days before I was leaving to go...

To sum up this feeling was basically extremely nervous and hesitant.  Many of you my dear friends helped to calm me down about the packing stress and kept saying.."go...julie..go!"  Yes even up to a few days before i looked at cancelling all together.  But still, my heart kept telling me just go! 

The Journey...

On March 9th, with my 1 "refrigerator suitcase" overstuffed, and another duffle bag overstuffed I was on  my way.  I have never been more nauseous before a flight and had that heart gripping feeling the whole time on the plane.  Once I arrived in the bahamas, one would think i would be fine once i set foot on bahamian land, but not this anxious girl!  Following the ashram directions, I got my cab to the dock, which took me on a little boat to the ashram.  On this short 5 minute boat ride over i was terrified! What am i going to do once i get there?  It was only noon and the course didn't start till the following day so I basically had a whole day free (i know many of you are thinking...a day with nothing to do in the bahamas..sounds like heaven)! Once I stepped foot onto the ashram it felt like its only little peaceful island (even though my mind wasn't so peaceful).  The check in process took a very long time, which i liked because it took up time and i didn't have to worry about the free time.  I was pretty much in tears to the lovely woman at reception who was checking me in as I told her that i have never done anything like this before and i feel so lost.  She was very motherly and told me to get some food and relax until i could get in my room. So I did that...had this amazing lunch sitting on the beach.  The day after that seemed to go by slowly, but i made an agenda to keep my planning mind busy with ashram activities.  I sat on the beach for about an hour (which was actually the longest amount of time i sat on the beach my whole stay), then took a Sivananda yoga class, checked into my quaint and comfy "Om hut," then dinner, then satsang (which is an ashram gathering that took place daily from 6am-8, and then 8pm-10).  During satsang members of the ashram gather and meditate for about 25-30 min, chant for about 30 min, then listen to speaker discussing a wide range of topics around spirituality, meditation, yoga, etc).  This first one that I went to of many made me feel so jumpy and out of place...i couldn't meditate and sit still, although in the past I liked chanting I was not having it this time, i couldn't pay attention to the speaker...yet within this antsy feeling it was kind of nice to be surrounded by a community of people on a spiritual path.  As time went on during my stay satsang became one of my favorite parts of the day (well maybe not at 6 am), but I really enjoyed it and made me feel like I belong.  Honestly, I truly miss going every night.  Im currently on the search for a satsang experience here in florida.  Well, at the end of the day I was so happy that I made it through my first day!  I actually filmed a short video that night and after listening and watching it it made me realize how fearful I was to be doing something completely different and out of my comfort zone.  There was so much fear in my voice!  Unfortunately, due to the lovely nature of technology this video got deleted from my phone.  It was time for bed to wake up by the 5:30 am ashram wake up bell and begin the first day of the training...

This will lead to part 2 (to be cont)...